Emma's Five Dating Resolutions All Single People Should Make in 2013

Seeing as it is a new year (and I'm recently single yet again), I've been doing a lot of reflecting on my dating life the past several years, and I've come to the realization that something has got to change.

It's been nearly three years since my break-up of all break-ups (let's call him Mr. Personality). I'm talking about a heart shattered to a million pieces, can't go more than a few hours without crying, don't know how I will be able to go on kind of break-up. Luckily I had some amazing friends and family. I don't know how many times I called my mom in the middle of the night in hysterics or how many times I made my roommate listen to Wrong Baby Wrong by Martina McBride. Sorry Mom and Ashley! Immediately following my break-up with Mr. Personality, I had a brief relationship with Mr. Nice Guy who I have to thank for helping me stick it out in Ohio those last 7-8 months. Seriously if the timing had been a little different, and I hadn't fled the state at the first opportunity I would have been crazy not to be with this guy. Him and his friends were simply amazing those first couple months after my break-up.

Fortunately by now I can happily say I've moved on 110%, and frankly I'm not quite sure why I was so hung up on Mr. Personality to begin with but I've digressed. The point is it is now 2013...three years later...and I've had two other failed relationships - a short-ish relationship (if it can even be classified as a relationship) with Mr. Murse - I got a birthday present and a Valentine's day present so that has to mean something right?!?) and a longer relationship with Mr. Soccer/Yoga.

After rehashing these relationships the past several days I logged onto Facebook this morning and lo and behold, one of my sorority sister's just wrote an ah-maze-ing article for CentralTrack.com on the Five Dating Resolutions All Single People Should Make in 2013, and you know what? The girl is spot on!

Resolution #1: Date up. I really feel like this one hits home for me. As Emma so eloquently put it, "So many of us --especially those of us in our 20s -- settle when it comes to dating. Oh you're moderately attracted to me? you think. Sweet, let's date. I don't even mind that you may or may not be a serial killer! We're all victims of this. It's an easy way out of being single, dating the first person who shows even the slightest bit of interest in what you're bringing to the table. Don't fall for this crap."

Unfortunately I can say with 100% certainty that I am absolutely guilty of this. Until a few weeks ago, since moving back to Kansas I'd only gone on dates with two different people, and guess what? I ended up in relationships with both of them. From the beginning I knew there were things missing -- physical attraction isn't essential. We have so many other things in common and he seems so much safer than Mr. Personality I tried to convince myself. I chose to disregard all of my initial hesitations with Mr. Soccer/Yoga because being with someone (even the wrong someone) was better than being alone right?? Wrong. This year I'm going to be picky. If it's not there, it's not there. No use in wasting my precious time on boys with whom I have no physical attraction or only lackluster feelings. I refuse to settle.

Resolution #2: Quit it with all these college-like relationships. I don't think this one is so much of an issue for me anymore, but it was definitely the problem with Mr. Personality. Mainly I attribute that to him still being in college another year while I had gotten a big girl job and joined the real world. Depressing. Our nights out usually consisted of him drinking entirely too much, me playing babysitter/mom, and then us going back to his horrifying house/shanty to sleep in his lofted bed where he lived with six other guys. Nothing says college like a lofted bed....and six roommates.

I have to admit I was definitely courted by Mr. Soccer/Yoga - nice dinners at fun restaurants, art museums, fundraisers, surprises. All these things were so refreshing and much appreciated, but honestly they didn't make up for the fact that the sparks just weren't there from the beginning so for this resolution I need to stay on track. No digressing back to cheap beer, dingy apartments, and 2 a.m. pizza (athough I will admit I do love a good pizza after a few...ok several drinks), but also no being swindled into a year and a half relationship just because a boy can show me a good time. After all, I'm not getting any younger.

Resolution #3: Stay away from the weirdos with either too many or too few friends.  I don't think I've ever encountered a boy with too few friends, but let me tell you... Mr. Soccer/Yoga has a close-knit group of friends that go way back to high school. They have a club with a fancy name and "events". They even have rules. This is not a joke. Are we in elementary school again? 

While it is absolutely essential that anyone I seriously date has their own friends, Emma said it best "If they have too many friends, you'll face a bloody, brutal crawl to the top of their priority list. This is especially true if your crush's group of friends has been hanging together since all the way back in high school. Although it is lovely that these groups have remained so close for so long, these types of friendships are so chock-full of history that you'll be vying for your loved one's attention and facing endless gatherings for someone you don't know's birthday"...or in my case listening to endless inside jokes or stories that are probably only funny to the people who were there in second grade. I'm not laughing.  Resolution #3 means I need to find the happy medium, and no more being put second behind his high school buddies.

Resolution #4: Make two lists - a non-negotiable one and a negotiable one. This one might take some time, and seeing as this post is already turning into a short novel I will spare you all the details, but I will "make an oath on these lists. [I will] not break the rules [I] set with them. [I] will consider it practice for marriage."

Resolution #5: Stop looking so hard. I find this one so cliche. I feel like this is what everyone who is head over heels in love or happily married tells their single, future cat lady in training girlfriends. You will find someone when you least expect it. Don't go out and look for it. I'm not quite sure I buy this one, but what I am vowing to do is be happy with being single this year. Very rarely in the last 12 years of my life have I been single. I've bounced from one relationship right into the next with very little downtime in between so this year I'm taking time for myself. I'm going to take Emma's advice and "For now, just be OK with being single -- not alone, mind you. Single. We singletons tend to get super dramatic with the world 'alone.' "Ugh, I'm so alone! No one loves me! I have nothing!' cried the girl surrounded by her 17 cats and doting parents. C'mon. You're better than that."

And you know what? I am. Thank goodness I only have 1 cat, but I do have extremely loving friends and family and so far this whole single thing isn't too bad! ;)


If you like Emma's article on CentralTrack.com be sure to check out her blog Emma's Thing. I personally find her hilarious.