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Friend 1: The dad has to raise the bread, or whatever.
Friend 2: You mean he has to be the breadwinner?
Well...Fall definitely threw up all over my Pinterest feed today.
Dude my fantasy draft is ballin' outta control. My players are trill
good. Lay off my za! Yo you need another brewski?
Even if you get fat your face should stay the same. Your bone structure won't
change. Unless you get super huge and your bones implode from the pressure.
If my husband doesn't cry when he sees me walk down the aisle, I'm turning around.
Stress eating cucumbers is not nearly as satisfying as stress eating Cheez-its.
I'd argue that my Instagram likes are the rarest of compliments. Like a treasure chest for which
you spend your whole life searching. A quest that is laced with trials and tribulations, but
should you ever achieve success, it would taste all that much sweeter.
Oh look a baby pig! Hamlets! Wait a second. That's not right...
Really though, vegetables are just a transportation device for the hummus into my mouth.
Don't freeze. You're getting so thin you won't have any blubber layers to keep
you insulated. You'll have to migrate somewhere warm for the winter.
I don't really feel like it. I'd have to put shoes on. It's a whole big thing.
White queso and yellow queso are very different. You take white queso to meet
your dad. You MARRY white queso. ..never yellow.
Spring break junior year I had 11 beers during a KU basketball game. Daddy can throw em back.
I've been mixing candy corn with caramels which has zero nutritional
value. It'll be a miracle if by Halloween I don't have diabetes.
After bragging about how I make the perfect pancakes, the first flung
onto the floor, and my dog ate the second. I deserved that.
The little known 27th Amendment to the US Constitution is that meals eaten
at the airport must be both underwhelming and overpriced.
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