Hey friends! Time for your Thursday Thoughts with Jen. Enjoy!
If you want to be my favorite person in the whole wide world then you should probably bring me this right this second. I must try Golden Oreo Cookies & Cream ice cream immediately. I almost started hyperventilating when I found out about it...AND it really isn't that bad for you with only 140 calories per half cup serving...if I can cut myself off after a 1/2 cup serving. Who am I kidding? That will never happen.
While we're speaking of gifts, if any of you are feeling particularly generous, and you are lucky enough to have a cat lady in your life then you should probably buy her all of these things. These 16 crazy cat lady gifts are fantastic. Kissing cat salt and pepper shakers? I die.
Guys - this one's for you. If a girl isn't even responding to your text messages, she sure as heck isn't going to respond to your Snapchats. I think it's time to give up. Got it? Okay good. Also, am I the only one who thinks Snapchat is a little creepy? No? Okay. Maybe I really am an old lady.
Cab drivers are the worst...and creepy too. Being the responsible adults that we are (what a joke), my roommate and I decided to take a cab to an event we attended last week because let's be honest, we're both lightweights and after a beer we probably shouldn't be behind the wheel. Why is it cab drivers never know how to get anywhere? What did they do before everyone had smart phones and Google maps?! Anyways this cab driver was particularly creepy. He looked almost identical to Stanley Tucci in The Lovely Bones. I was seriously questioning whether or not we would get out of there alive. Mal and I were frantically texting each other the entire ride about the likelihood of being murdered and/or vomiting all over ourselves due to his horrible, stop and go driving. At one point he asked about the dinging noises he kept hearing. After replying that it was my cell phone text notification he quietly mumbled under his breath, "a cute little ring for a cute little girl." Yep. I was certain I would not live to see another day. Terrifying. Needless to say we found an alternate ride home. Now I'm just paranoid he knows where we live. Maybe I should invest in an alarm system...
Don't get me wrong, I love my cat but she absolutely scares the living daylights out of me when we're home alone at night. Yes I live in an extremely old house, and yes I know old houses make a lot of weird noises, but when Evie suddenly whips her head around and stares intently into the darkness my mind starts going into overdrive. I'm pretty sure I left the garage door unlocked when I took out the recycling this afternoon. There's obviously someone hiding in the dining room behind the curtains. This house was built over 70 years ago. There are at least 16 angry spirits just waiting to seek their revenge. WHAT DOES SHE SEE/HEAR THAT I CANT?!? I think in the 4 months I've lived in my house I've maybe spent the night by myself a grand total of three nights, but that was enough to know I want to try to avoid doing it again at all costs. I can't believe I was actually planning on living there by myself. Thank goodness for Mal and Maggie and for the poor, unfortunate soul who has to talk me down off a cliff every time I'm alone.
Is everyone on this planet pregnant?!? On the 7 minute drive to get fro-yo the other night, Mal and I saw THREE different pregnant ladies out run/walking. Yes, three very prego ladies were out exercising while Mal and I were driving our fat butts to TCBY. After fro-yo we had to run into Target and what do you know? Another pregnant lady. This time we narrowly avoided a physical collision. Next stop - Walgreen's. Another one! Kansas City is swarming. Let's hope there's not something in the water. Lord knows I couldn't handle a baby right now. I can't even keep a house plant alive. Confession - I've already killed three.
Mosquitoes love me. If I spend the evening outside with 137 people I can say with absolute certainty I will be covered in bug bites from head to toe the next day while the other 136 people will remain unscathed. Apparently mosquitoes love me more than most. True story - one night in Florence my friend Megan and I slept with our window open. The next day on one arm alone I had SEVENTY (yes you read that right 7-0) mosquito bites. I counted. Megan? She didn't even have one! I had to walk around the remainder of our trip looking like a chicken pox ridden kindergartner. Apparently I've got a scent those nasty little creatures love. Now if only I could figure out what scent attracts men. Bacon? Barbecue? I must find out. Jk...sort of...
Am I the only one who thinks this season of the Bachelorette is a total snooze fest?!? Not only are all of Des's guys boring with a capital B, but there isn't much going on with her either. I was over her rags to riches story after the first episode, and can we talk about how effeminate these guys are? They are way more girly than me, and that's saying something. Poems? A love song you wrote that you made your brother and sister perform on your hometown date? I'm embarrassed for you.
The first time I heard We Can't Stop I hated it. After the second, third, fourth and fifth time? I'm hooked. Dang you Miley. Although the video is beyond weird.
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